I cannot find my penis.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
