I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
