I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
