doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
