I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
