When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
