This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Less talking, more tequila
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
