Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
