So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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