I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
