they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
