Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
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