your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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