is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
