jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
