You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
