I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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