Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
