Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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