What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
