She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
