THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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