So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
