One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
