DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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