i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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