Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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