how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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