apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
