yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
