do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
