Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
