We got so high we made milksteak
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
