I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
