Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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