Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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