I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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