My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
