so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
