honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
