I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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