And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
