So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
