he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
