can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
too bad you live with your parents still
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize