we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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