i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
