Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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