I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
