Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
