um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
