dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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