I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
