do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
