Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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