After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
